My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is girl8eliza@hotmail.com
Be calm and confident in yourself and what you think you can contribute to her life. In the time you've taken to improve yourself, hopefully you will have evidence of that change. If the cause of your breakup was that you did not have enough time for her, show that you've altered your work schedule and made time to volunteer or pick up that sailing hobby you've always dreamed about. That will show you're willing to make time for things that matter to you. See where I'm going with this?

I’m sorry Eileen, i keep bugging…but he thinks I’m playing mind games w him bc I messed up in the beginning and it was a complete misunderstanding… and said if I don’t get in touch with him that he will find someone else to keep himself from getting depressed. It’s funny bc ever since I been giving him space, he been trying to text and call me alot…this guy is very difficult since I used to push him away bc I felt like I was not good enough for him…I’m trying to b positive


My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, we´ve been on and off for nearly three years now. We got in a serious relationship last september again BUT i´ve been having problems on letting the past between us go, i feel like me still being sad about things we did towards eachother made me hold back alot of feelings and showing feelings. This has been an issue for him much of the time we spent together, he told me multiple times that he had to see a change in that or else he can´t be with me, he didn´t felt that much love from me even if i really loved him. Each time he nearly broke up with me because he didn´t see a change, i always said that i will change and show more emotions. I really thought i would change but it was harder than i thought. He nearly broke up with me multiple times, but stayed everytime i promised change because he had such strong feelings towards me. Alot of things made me hold back feelings, my own securities, things we did in the past to eachother that was really bad and that my family don´t like him anymore because of things he did.
Work on your self-esteem. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.
If your ex has fallen into the friend zone (for example, if he or she says "I'm no longer in love with you"), you might be able to recreate the experience of falling in love by building intimacy with your ex. In one study, a researcher had two strangers stare into each other's eyes and then answer personal questions (like "What is your biggest fear?" and "What is your best memory from childhood?"). They were able to create an intimate bond between the strangers, creating attraction and even the feelings of love. Try spending time looking into your ex's eyes and asking deep questions and see if this helps move your relationship back into intimate territory.[12]
It also shows him that it’s safe to approach you. What do I mean by that? He may have been wanting to reach out to you, but didn’t because he wasn’t sure if you were still hurt or angry or bitter. With a happy, lighthearted text, you’re showing him that you’ve moved past those ugly emotions and are in a better place, a place more conducive to starting fresh.
I need advice though. During one breakup he slept with someone else and came back saying how he realized he was in love with me etc. Although we were technically broken up we were still seeing and spending time with each other. Also being intimate. I’m really trying to move past this but his most recent pulling away has made me insecure and really psycho. We’re both older 39 and 41 professionals. His job is much more consuming and he has a lot in his life right now but says I add additional stress when really I just need reassurance (I know I have my own issues).

If a man is honest and tells you he does not want a relationship, then as a woman you should honor his truth in telling you this and take a moment to reflect and understand that you may need to pull away. Not to mention, if he also gives you the popular one-liner by saying, “I’m just seeing where things go,” proceed with caution. This is not a committed answer, so why would he want to commit to you? This is just an answer to lure you away from the truth in hopes to keep you around for what he is in search of pleasure and attention.


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Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.

Hi… my boyfriend quit relationship with me because i wrote to him too much messages and he was tired , i arguing and blaming him one week and the second week i apologised, i have changable mood, at last he told me it was normal relationshi and i woud not change, i told him albad words i wrote thousand messages , so he blocked me, then i begged from others mobiles he blocked me everywhere almost 30 peoples mobile, after one month no contact, i wrote to him, he wrote some short messages, then as i blamed him again he continued blocking, would he come back in my life again?
For the last 3 yrs I was the one who reach out to him every time he leave, now I am applying the no contact, is been 2 weeks, is been hard but I told myself I will have to keep my ground for at least 3 months before I consider reaching out to him. Do you think he will reach out to me this time around? if so, any idea after how long he will reach out to me? I think I may got him used to me giving in all the time.
Relax and just enjoy the time you do have together. Don't obsessed about this. If he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you, find something else do that you like to do. Make plans with yourself and stick to them. Don't chase any man except the ice cream man. He might be going through some things he's not ready to share. Or, he might just be stringing you along. You don't know. But, there's no reason to worry about anything unless you know there's something to worry about. There are plenty of things you could be doing to make yourself happy and keep busy (in a good, happy, productive way) even if you are dead ass broke. Keep yourself entertained. If nothing else, if this guy isn't ready to be a grown up yet, if you are doing something you love, you will meet other people that have the same interests that you do. You might not meet prince charming, but you will meet some good friends that have the same interests that you do. And remember: you don't have to be soulmates with someone to go see a movie or have coffee. I'm about a hair away from aetheist, and I have friends all across the board. You don't have to have everything in common with a person to be friends, or be friendly or just hang out. Wish you the best of luck with your dude and everything else. Big hugs.
Hi Lauren, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I'm not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he's afraid of commitment and that I can't make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I'm perfect and don't need to change at all. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I'm not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn't anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I'm still his best friend. I can't be friends with him, I'm still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can't tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? ...
Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!
I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊
Y’all are making this too complex. Look, a guy falls in love through sex, he needs sex to fall in love, but he’s got to want to have sex with you and thats more than just being hot. It comes down to what you make him feel about himself when he’s around you. Do you make him feel competent, powerful, benevolent, like he’s capable and attractive and trusted? Or do you make him feel he cant do anything right, like a child, stupid, worthless, weak?
Four days ago, we were having an argument again, and this time he started telling me that he didn’t know if we were both going in the same direction, because he didn’t see me fighting for what i wanted in life, and he wants someone who can walk by his side and not behind him (he’s almost done with college, has a job and has a football career… and me, well… im still in college, but thats all i do for now)…
Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
If you feel something’s wrong in the relationship or if your partner’s done something objectionable, talk to your partner without accusing them or shouting at them. Help your partner understand how you feel about it instead of yelling or cursing at your lover. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and forget. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.
Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot red flags instantly and become more admirable. If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you the late night 11 pm or 1 am text for you to come over and “watch a movie.”
So we continue being sweet but we dont communicate all day. Usually in the morning only or at night but never missed to text me in more than half day. And then there was a time we stopped being sweet and he also stopped texting me and the next day he told me that he missed me and hes confused why bec. We havent met. And so we continue being sweet again. Slowly he texts me less and less. And then texts a lot again and less again.
However, you can be hurt without acting vindictive—especially if your ex is someone you already think you might want to get back together with. "Put yourself in your ex's shoes," Dr. Bockarova says. "Would you appreciate if someone you cared about spoke badly about you to all of your friends, [sent you] an avalanche of angry messages, or revealed secrets you had told them in a vulnerable state?"
Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won't go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you're better off without him.

If you do it properly, using a text message to get your ex back could prove to be successful. Ideally, it should be used in addition to traditional methods of getting back together. A text at the right time could be a plus when you’re taking the necessary steps to once again win the heart of your ex, but just a text alone will be unlikely to do the trick.
The ones who are close to us can easily stab us in the back. Her friends or ex friends were not in her position. I would advise you to open your mind and let the “friends” exit out. A relationship does not include more then 2 people. You mentioned she did not clear it out with her friends. We don’t often see the need to make the close individuals understand as we perceive that they must already be seeing our point of view. Small situations can easily be turned into gigantic ones.
You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.
My ex and I broke up a few months ago, I cheated on him, he pretended to forgive me and then he moved on to someone else and then I went through all stages of crazy. Begged him to take me back, spoke to the new girl and told her all the reasons he wasn’t right for her and then he decided to break up with me for real. Claimed what he had with her was ephemeral but I ruined his reputation when I spoke to her. I tried the no contact, did it for 9 days, then I panicked and begged him to take me back, of course he said no, there’s someone else. Then after that time, we met up a few times and had sexually related stuffs…no penetrative sex. Then I decided to restart the no contact. Intend to start tomorrow, unfortunately we are classmates. Yesterday I tried to get him jealous by telling him I met a more handsome guy. He told me many reasons why this guy isn’t right for me. Anyways I am scared that if we continue this way, I’m going to be friend zoned so much that we won’t have any chances again. I don’t want to block him over whatsapp because then he will probably block me too and feel I’ve moved on with this other guy. But it’s quite difficult doing no contact when he is constantly trying to communicate and also, I’m from Nigeria. Virginity means alot to guys here. He was my first and unfortunately the new girl he’s with now is also a virgin and very hot
Texting your ex does pose a risk. The risk being that he rejects you or just doesn’t answer. You should always be prepared for that possibility and just be OK with it. If you won’t be able to handle things not turning out the way you want, then you aren’t ready to get back together with your ex in the first place and need to spend more time on your own working through things.
good food for thought dave. my partner is 53 and divorced twice. so having his assetts split twice, and in second marriage time splitting with his son. i commend his bravery for taking the courage to still take the risk for seeking companionship with me. (who has also experienced both divorce once and child access splitting) we reassure each other that our assetts and finances are to remain our own, and up to self choices made for how much is shared towards gifts and/or meals etc neither of us want each other to be in our past experiences ever again,… Read more »
In this type of situation usually, the man will go back to the wife especially if there are kids involved because it is easier financially. As you know these relationships are not healthy and you do not deserve to be the other woman. You have more to offer than just being that. Even though he showered you with love and affection that is not enough. I believe what you should do moving forward is take a break and focus on you and see if he makes a move to file for divorce and be with you. Please feel free to reach out to me for a private session if you would like some guidance. I am here for you! :)
Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”
For the last 3 yrs I was the one who reach out to him every time he leave, now I am applying the no contact, is been 2 weeks, is been hard but I told myself I will have to keep my ground for at least 3 months before I consider reaching out to him. Do you think he will reach out to me this time around? if so, any idea after how long he will reach out to me? I think I may got him used to me giving in all the time.
I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend. My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so ..
If a man is honest and tells you he does not want a relationship, then as a woman you should honor his truth in telling you this and take a moment to reflect and understand that you may need to pull away. Not to mention, if he also gives you the popular one-liner by saying, “I’m just seeing where things go,” proceed with caution. This is not a committed answer, so why would he want to commit to you? This is just an answer to lure you away from the truth in hopes to keep you around for what he is in search of pleasure and attention.
Are you able to communicate your feelings in a way that makes your partner respond the way that you want them to? If you aren’t getting the response that you’d like, try a different tactic. Try saying ‘I have something to tell you that’s important to me. Is it a good time to talk?’ The reply from your partner will let you know how receptive your partner is likely to be.
The reasons men pull away are VERY important to understand. Why? There are two general reasons, and one doesn’t include you. He is either pulling away for reasons that have nothing to do with you and the relationship is fine, or things have gone sour and he requires some space. For now, do not panic because any feelings of anxiety from you will make him pull away more regardless of his reason. Also remember, things could be perfectly fine right now. There is no need to rock the boat and tip things into bad territory.
Now, before I really get started here I do want to say that not everything I say in this section will hold true to you. Look, your ex girlfriend is a human being and human beings are notoriously hard to predict. What I will be talking about in this section should give you insight into your ex but in the end every single man reading this will be in a different position because every girl out there is unique and what is talked about in this section is a generalization of women.
Yes, the argument I’m referring to was everything that was said when I got teary and upset… I couldnt stop talking and trying to find out the reason for my feelings so I kept asking him why he wanted to stop and no answer he gave made me feel better so I kept on saying I just didn’t understand and asking why didn’t he do this, or that. I also told him I felt rejected and he said that was ridiculous, which upset me more…. we ‘talked’, with me getting more and more upset and he said I was talking… Read more »
Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

But when do men ever take responsibility for their actions? At some point you guys need to realize that you play an equal role in the deterioration of relationships. I always take responsibility for my actions so when do men admit, “Hey, I’m also to blame as well.” Society has taught me that their behavior is excusable. The focus is always on women learning to adjust and change her behavior and blaming women for men pulling away but its never the other way around. It’s sad that men are taught that a woman being concerned about a man disappearing means… Read more »

Hopefully, these tips give you something to work with, and you will find something that can help you approach your relationship problems in a different way. You don't have to be Freud, you don't have to do it all at once; instead, see which of these ideas catch your attention. Then pick a situation, a pattern, a problem, and map out a different approach, a concrete behavior that you can put into place. Start small. Focus on you. One change will lead to another.
we want to use this type of text messages to bring back the good memories in the your ex’s mind and make your ex start thinking about all the fun things you two have done together. This is vital to help win your ex back becaue you are essentially letting your ex relive the good old times when your relationship was fun, flirtatious and exciting. So, you need to use personal experience to customize your text message.
Hi Lauren... Please please help me My ex broke up with me three weeks ago. After the break up I begged him for two days. Then I did no contact for a week and tried to reconcile which lead to me begging again for two days when he said no. So now I have done a no contact for two weeks . He hasn't been in touch with me since. I am worried he may never get in touch again. It is a long distance relationship and difficult to go and see him anytime. Why did we break up? We argued about something...he ignored me for few days then when we spoke I basically shouted at him for ignoring me we then got into a massive row and said things back and forth which resulted in him saying 'I can't do this anymore it's over,' Lauren, we had broken up before and it took us six months to get back together because in that six months we were both going back and forth, when he was ignoring me I wasn't and when I was ignoring him he wasn't, we went back and forth like this for a while until eventually we both just kissed and made up and it was all good for a month until the next row. I feel that when we are together we never argue but when we talk on the phone we argue. I explained this to him, but he doesn't seem to listen or care about how good we are and does not wanna work on this relationship anymore. Please advise what I can do.... ...
Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to instability right off the bat. This is where I like to take a moment to tell my coachees that even though they may be single and dating, not every man that they meet is going to have the same intentions. That’s why it’s important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you’re aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.
It doesn’t matter if right now, you’re sad about what has happened to you in the past, or maybe even angry that someone has done you wrong, it will all change in the future. You’re about to learn some of the most closely guarded secrets to help you succeed in dating and relationships with men. There are many articles on this website, but there are much more exclusive (not on the website) content inside my private newsletters. So join me.

I was seeing a man for a month. I drove 1 hour and half 4 weekends in a row to spend time at his house. He could not leave his house bc of his dogs. He was texting me a lot always him..first. asking me what I was doing..bla Bla bla..calling me a couple of times a week. We never had sex...it was just kissing and touching..he complimented me how wonderful and nice I was. That he was in for the long haul with me. He liked to cooked and always cooked me nice dinners and breakfasts. Then I asked him if he was my boyfriend. He said will see next weekend??? He was fighting with his ex..I asked him how long ago they broke up and he would not answer. Then one morning...he left me alone in his house to work outside. So I packed my stuff and left. He sent me a text apologizing for not making breakfast . I told him that I was confused not knowing what was going that morning. He said you are welcome to anything in my house. I said I drove all the way to your house to spend time with you. He went quiet dead that day and night. Usually he would always answer my texts and he would sent me a text good night with a kiss that day i.got nothing. Next morning I asked him why the silent treatment..and ask him if he dead or was in hospital..was not interested no more..if he just wanted a friend with benefit..or if he was on another date? I simply ask honesty with a straight answer. He got upset and offended..he said he fell asleep. I apologized to him twice for that text. He stopped talking to me. It was excruciating because I like him. He made me feel very bad that I asked him why he ghosted me that day. I asked him if he wanted to continue seeing me or not. For 3 days he would not give me an answer. I said goodbye to him it was nice meeting you best of luck. Now I regret it so much about my text and.my goodbyes. I want to stay friend with him and have a second chance. But he wont answer. I am sad because I screwed up ...
Give each other space and time to heal. Being together doesn't mean you've got a leash over the other person. When mending a broken relationship, your instinct might be to spend every waking moment together. But this prevents the two of you from stepping back and seeing the big picture or your relationship, it’s good sides and bad. Spending every waking moment together often leads to fighting or feeling trapped.
I hope this helped you understand exactly how to get back with your ex and the exact steps you have to take. Even then, there’s one more thing to remember – even for the women who have had success getting back with ex boyfriends, it can still be very difficult to keep your man… unless you know how to make him want to be with you and only you forever. You need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good. It will reveal how to get him to see you as “the one” and desperately crave you by his side forever. If you don’t read this now you might miss your chance to get him back forever so don’t wait: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…
One night in 2013, she asked if she could stay over, and I more or less spilled my guts to her and admitted my intense feelings. She said she didn’t reciprocate. It would take about nine months of hardcore wooing before Mary finally said she had feelings for me. In 2016, three years after that night and almost ten years after our first date, I asked her to marry me and she said yes.
The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.
But what if this emptiness, this pain of missing him (and allowing ourselves to fully sensitively feel that we miss him), is the secret to bringing him closer? You see, something I learned is that acting out of fear robs me of the full experience of life – it takes away the opportunity to re-build my desire, and my gratitude for having my man in my life!
So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »
Hi Andilla, Definitely, I've seen this work to bring couples back together! That's why I wrote the blog. This is the technique my dad, John Gray, has been teaching with success for over 30 years helping couples reunite. It's not going to work for every relationship - but this is the step I recommend people take if you want your ex back. No one wants to get back into a relationship that doesn't work…people want change, they want assurance of change so that they can trust you again and build something better. When it comes to friends with your ex? That depends on the relationship. :-)...
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