And now he is texting me everyday, not a lot but to know how i’m doing, says I can talk to him whenever I want, that he wants us to stay best friends like we used to and that he wants me to “be myself” with him, text him whatever I want…But I know he doesnt really want to talk to me, like if he has a problem he will go to someone else. I think he is mostly being nice, and trying to ease the break up for himself by not losing me completely (he said that if we keep talking its easier cause it’s “more normal”).
Last year we were about to marry, everyone was veryy happy, hi family and my family met then his mother ask for few details and wanted to do enquiry and all of my family and she said she wont allow me to work, i said yes to everthing as i was in love and wanted to marry him everything was soo good but just after the family meeting i said him that he shouldn’t speak a single word in front of his family as i was expecting him support me and say that its been 5 years we know each and already discussed everthing then i got upset from him , we faught and later on he said everthing to his mother and she start hated me , We broke up:(
Mine pulled away about 2 mths ago. He said he’d explain everything and apologized for being distant. I told him I’d be here when he’s ready and I love him. He responded well, with love. So far, though, no explanation has occurred…not a word. I know he’s in love with me ( by his words and actions), and I totally trust him. I’m just thinking that it’s been too long and fear is setting in. My experience has been such that when a guy pulls away for this long he doesn’t come back and that is what I’m afraid of.… Read more »
Most of The Times the problem was you are driving away him.Most women doesnot know how men think and what makes them interested in you,and those who does not won’t share them either.I was also in a same stat of mind few years back.And my number one advise is that if you ended things for a reason then its better to not get back again.But if you think that was a mistake then you should understand a bit about what makes the men tick.The short answer is bad communication.Yes men a the worst communicators and there are studies that shows then spoke very few words per day than women.So the basic thing is you have to understand whats on his mind.They are embarassed to talk about their feelings.And that’s because admitting to this desire actually moves him farther away from the goal.Also you have to make them feel needed.Well its also a lot of other things too.I cannot explain them all in this comment.But in my blog journal i had written what i feel.May be they are just my ramblings but i found them true in most occasions.
This process is often referred to as the “rubber band,” where a man alternates between being close to his partner and pulling away, like a rubber band. The key is not to move towards your man when he is withdrawing, because it creates slack in the rubber band. You want to give him his space and keep the tension in the rubber band so that he eventually snaps back and becomes close to you again.
3. Think adult. Adult here means being responsible with your emotions – using them as information rather than spraying them around the room. It is about being responsible in action – not harming others or misbehaving. It is about being responsible for your problems – that is, you ultimately need to deal with and fix them rather than expecting others to do it for you. It is realizing that it isn't always about you; it is not taking everything so personally; it is understanding that the other guy may be struggling inside in his or her own way. It is about being reasonable. It is… well, acting like an adult.
So it’s been a couple months since the last time I wrote on here. The good news is that I’m succeeding with becoming the Ungettable Girl and… well my friend Linda (who is also friends with my ex) gave my ex my phone number (he never had it before as we were just long distance friends) last month without telling me and he texted me around midnight “hey. This is *Paul”
Instead you’ll focus on filling your life with things you love doing, things that make you happy, things that make you feel good. Fill your life up and LIVE HAPPY. While you’re giving him space to miss you and worry that he’s lost you forever (which will make him want you back more and more), you’ll be getting STRONGER by lifting your mood and happiness up, up, up…
There was no “trick” to getting Mary back for good. Going through a tragedy had changed me. It was terrible, but it helped me grow the hell up, and by the time Mary and I crossed paths again, I was ready to be the kind of person who texts back and keeps plans and buys presents for no apparent reason. We don’t yell at each other in the street anymore, and that’s pretty cool.
It feels like we keep on going back and forth about the past what has happened and he keeps asking me questions everytime we see each other so I decided to not coming home anymore. I’ve made my decision to move out. I’m still heartbroken about his new girlfriend and seeing him and with him asking me the past nights isnt helping. I dont know what he was thinking the last few encounters. What is he trying to get from me? Why is he asking me these questions? And why did he had an emotional breakdown the first time we actually had a conversation together? I’m still confused. Please help me. I don’t know if after moving out and doing this No Contact would help anything. I am still in love with him. I regretted my mistakes, and my childish careless act to him. I wish i had a chance to make it up to him and treated him better. Please help.
It has ended here and I am just dying to find a solution to all this mess I have created with my clumsiness. I have a gift I made for him that i carried around with me since January 6 because we never knew when we would be able to meet. I had this idea to send it to him with a note “this is yours, made on January 6th. There is no point for me to keep it anymore.” But I am not sure what kind of message it will send because I am not even able to guess the most probable reason of all this behavior. He is the nice guy type, who gives and asks for affection. He would just keep hugging and holding my hand when i am around. But would not realise he missed me until we meet again (he said that). He lives with his sister and is very close to her and to his parents who live in another city. Whenever he did something careless he knows but does not say it. Instead he would become a bit more talkative about details of what he is doing or something.. until I mention it, then once faced with it he apologises. We are 29 and 31 years old and have been together for 4 months, during which he said “I love you” mederately and only at the right moments.
I managed to push him away he has now told me he needs time and space which is killing me inside… We also worked so well together but as soon as we were apart I would think he is cheating on me etc… I now I can see how stupid I was for bringing all the hurt and distrust into this relationship… I just hope I haven’t lost him forever… How are you coping?
Hi Adirubbo, this is actually a really common frustration for women in the dating scene (a guy giving you his number and acting more passive rather than pursuing) and I'm working on an ebook/video training to help with this exact issue. But to give you a quick answer now, you did great. You let him know what kind of dates you liked going on and then he became more confident in how to please you, that's when he started taking charge. The more confident a man feels that he can make you happy, the more take charge he'll become. The trick for a woman is always: "How can I be pro-actively receptive in this dynamic?" Keep looking for those opportunities and you'll be fine. And if you want to learn more about this, make sure you're signed up for email updates. Hope this helped!...
A lot of clients ask me… should I call or text my ex? Personally, I believe texting is a much safer way to communicate with your ex. It doesn’t require you to have a full-blown, face-to-face conversation and it’s extremely non-invasive. Your ex is free to reply to you whenever he or she wants, and you’re able to reply to your ex’s text whenever you want too. This sort of dynamic allows you time to think about what to say before you actually say it.
I have found that it is when I had children with my husband that he started to become extremely responsive and didn’t pull away as much – not directly as a result of loving me more, but because his masculine brain perceives that we need to communicate very often, for the purpose of responding to our kids, working out logistics, proper organisation between us, and doing the right thing by me and our kids.
I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊
The therapy mantra is that the pattern is more powerful than the people. (Try sitting in someone else's seat at dinner tonight and see what happens – just make sure all the knives are out of sight). So rather than wasting your time worrying about who is right, use it to try and decode the dysfunctional pattern. Once you do, change it. A good way to do that is to talk about it (the pattern) rather than the people: "I notice that a lot of times that when if I ask if you could pick up your socks you say you will but then don't, and then I get annoyed and nag you and then you blow up. I'm wondering if we can do this differently." But even if you can't do that, for whatever reason, just try changing it and if you can, let the other person know your intentions: "I'm doing this because I'm worried that ________." The beauty of patterns is that if you hold your ground, the pattern has to change. You, all by yourself, become the change agent of the relationship. Certainly a good and important start.
Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.
I was beside myself with shock. I was just dumped by my girlfriend, even though I thought things were going great. My initial instinct was to start promising change and control the situation. Although I hadn’t gone overboard by begging or texting repeatedly, I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do to get her back. I scoured the internet and after reading countless articles and websites, I came across Lee’s site and read a few articles. His advice and take on the getting your GF back seemed to make a lot of sense and I felt like I needed some objective help so that I don’t blow any chance that I may get. I’m so glad I booked that call with Lee! After a few sessions and by following Lee’s plan, she finally contacted me and wanted to meet. Lee’s advice on how to handle both NC, as well as how to interact with her in those first few meet ups was invaluable! I am happy to say we are back together and it’s never been better. The things I learned about female attraction from Lee I will continue to use in relationships to keep the spark alive and attraction high. The hard part was to trust the process, but Lee’s clear and genuine demeanor made it easier to do what I know needed to be done to get her back. I would highly recommend Lee’s services if you would like to get your ex back or improve the dynamic in your current relationship! -Marc
Hi Kahealani. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. I think you should pull back and not try to get him to take notice right now. If he doesn't want to be involved in the kids lives, then you have your answer. I think pull back and keep things really easy going and civil/ friendly if you do ever see him, because remember you guys have kids together so just think about them. How do you want them to perceive their mom? I would suggest really doing some work on yourself and focusing on building a great life for yourself and your kids. You can absolutely do this!! Heal from this relationship and past relationships. You have to fall in love with yourself first before someone else can love you. Good luck! You can do this.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
We went back to our place and he told me he wanted to break up with me for sure. I tried to reason with him again, to give me more time But he was sure, he had felt bad about changing his mind before apparently; after a couple hours of heated conversation, of me trying to convince him, he even told me he didn’t love me anymore ( which I’m not sure about, was he saying that so that i let go?). I gave in and we took my flight ticket back home. We spent the day after together, it was awesome and incredibly sad. I didn’t want to believe I was letting go of a life I wanted so much. He was so sad too, it felt like he was hurting a lot too.
Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
my ex and i broke up a couple of months ago. He broke up with me because he did not want a relationship anymore and i cheated on him. We dated for almost two years..After our break up he wanted to be friends and i didn’t. i want to be more and this kept going back and forth. We did hu a couples of times and he would say i love you. He said he wanted something more but not a relationship and not exclusive. I told we can talk to be something or we don’t talk anymore so we agreed on not talking.. We were on good terms and we said i love you and stop talking for a few days. But i texted and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me and he doesn’t want to be friends anymore.. so i need advice should i just give him time and see what happens? what should i do? I still have feeling for this guy and i don’t know if he even does.
I waited until the next day and I replied “hey. What’s up?” But he never responded. The next day the SoCal fires started and I texted him a short “hope you and your kids are safe” again, I never got a reply and I haven’t texted him since figuring that if I’m patient, he will eventually reply. Did I break any protocols? I figured since I’ve been doing NC for a little over a year, it was safe to respond to him since he initiated the texting. Is he just playing with me? He didn’t have to text me when my friend gave him my phone number, so what is his logic? He is a grown man with teenage kids so it’s not like he is an immature guy, though he is acting like one with me.
Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.
This article showed you how to text your ex to re-ignite his romantic feelings and give things another shot. But there’s more you need too know. Do you know what to do to inspire him to come back and commit to you for good? Do you know what makes a man truly miss a woman and realize he doesn’t want to live without her? Do you know the best way to get your ex back and make it work? If not, read this next: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...
In addition to the pulling away he is very cruel when he drinks. Calling me horrible names and tries to make me feel beneath him. I know this is huge red flags but love makes us do crazy things. We’re both sexually open minded but he tells me I’m a liar about talking about having another woman intimately. I feel him and I aren’t ready for this. At least I’m not ready. It’s a unhealthy dysfunctional relationship and while he has his faults I know I push him to the limits. (Blowing up how phone etc)
I think there is a difference between a natural pull away and an uncomfortable/bad pull away. But I also think that men who really care about you will not pull away very much. They may want a day or two alone (natural pull away) but they don’t fade out on you and give you bad vibes (uncomfortable/bad pull away). My experience has always been that the guys that wanted me the most never pulled away, no matter how close we got. My first real serious college boyfriend was always on the same page with me from beginning to end, we… Read more »
It’s tough for someone to nail down to source of feeling not OK, but they unconsciously latch onto things that will get rid of this feeling, usually through reassurance or trying to make situations come about that they feel will make them happy and finally grant them relief. This inevitably impacts your vibe, you become a parasite of sorts and everyone you come into contact with is simply a means to an end.