Some statements in this article are right some are not really applicable in my situation. I have two potential lover in the future trying to get me but I haven’t decided which one because thet need to show me something first and of course I don’t give those things they want. Suddenly both of them were pulling away and not gave much attention as before, that time I waited and even no clue at all what have had happened. I tried not to put any assumption and put blame on myself, tried to relax and had fun with friends. Two months, then I just shoot the questions to both. I don’t care, if they’re not interested please don’t block my door. “You okay? Are you not interested in me anymore? You mad at me or something?”.. One got angry and said that I am the one who becomes distant and not talking to him, in fact I was just giving him space. We had argument and he left. The other guy said sorry, he didn’t give any reason, he just said sorry and but coming back more to me, giving more attention bigger and sweeter than before. He said he feels wanted by me, and now I know which one to choose. So the point is just speak up and see his reaction. Let it naturally, if you mad and become uncomfortable just say it. Plenty fishes in the sea, with patients you will know that he’s the one. A feeling without pressure or hideous love game. Goodluck!
The steps to success in getting back together are very clear, and just like a formula in math, you have to the steps to a T if you want a successful result. You may have already heard about the hand-written letter (I’ll expand on this later), radio silence, and reversed dependence, but trying to figure out how to text your ex to get them to come back is not always a useful technique.

Hi Lauren, i had recently bought the book men are from mars and women are from Venus, it has brought me to try and discover more wonderful information on your page. My boyfriend of three years had recently just left me about a month an a half ago, we had just moved in together and were only living at our apartment for 2 months before he decided to lay the break up on me. He says he needs to find himself and his happiness, this term is still so confusing for me when things for the past three years were going so well. and just 2 weeks before he broke up with me he had talked about marrying me wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. as soon as he left the apartment and packed his things he doesn't want to see me or doesn't really talk to me and whenever we do talk it always ends up in the both of breaking down crying because its so sad. he has told me that he still loves me deeply and cares about me but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I have no idea really what to take from all this, i know that i may have smothered him to much in the relationship but at the time i did not know what i had been doing i do know that i some how contributed to this traumatic event. but he is making it seem like its totally over and he is just cutting things cold turkey. i never seen this break up coming and he said to me that it just happened and he didn't even realize he was going to do it. after three years of being together hes acting as if he doesn't even know me. i just need some advice of insight on what might be happening to him or me right now for this to take place? ...
Hi Kahealani. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. I think you should pull back and not try to get him to take notice right now. If he doesn't want to be involved in the kids lives, then you have your answer. I think pull back and keep things really easy going and civil/ friendly if you do ever see him, because remember you guys have kids together so just think about them. How do you want them to perceive their mom? I would suggest really doing some work on yourself and focusing on building a great life for yourself and your kids. You can absolutely do this!! Heal from this relationship and past relationships. You have to fall in love with yourself first before someone else can love you. Good luck! You can do this.
My vibe was affected by stress of school and radiated out into other areas of my life without my realizing…granted my ex never communicated how I was making him feel, but the breakup made me realize what had happened and how i can get those stress levels down and vibe up…I am prepared it is too late…he will never be able to share those vibes. But if he doesn’t hes also missing out because I feel good, a little sad it didn’t work out, but good overall.
Forgive me for not agreeing. Men need to learn how to communicate out of bed as they do in bed if they want a great woman by their side. Otherwise they should get a dog who also can’t communicate and forgives you even if you kick him every time you see him. Accepting less than you deserve so you can understand him better will ultimately push you to leave. Better to call him out and ask for the courtesy of acknowledging your needs too and understand your feelings are important too. When does his considerations stop being about him and turn toward you?
Some people try to be there for their ex. They walk their dog, they show up at their door with some gifts, and other things. This hinders your value, and makes them wish you were gone. Aside from cutting off communication, it’s imperative that you are not visible. You cannot be seen by her, by your own doing. This will create value, as absence makes the heart grow fonder. You’ll force her to think about you, and will not let her have control, you’ll be in control.
Two months ago I met a man. We were so attracted to each other that it all happened so fast, on the first date. He warned me that he didn’t want a relationship… I did my best to listen to his feelings, show understanding and get some intimacy and we eventually got close and started meeting every week. I was sleeping over at his house, we were having good time, having sex, doing normal things like cooking and spending the whole weekend together. I knew he had a very problematic past – a father who never married his mother or took any responsibility, a brother from another mother who caused him problems, personal problems with drugs in the past and two broken relationships with 1) bulimic anorexic girl and 2) a girl who cheated on him 10 months ago. I was so good to listen, give him the peace he needed and be very patient with him.
How do you get over somebody that you work with? Obviously NC is impossible in this situation. Luckily for me, she works out in the field (not literally in a field btw) and I work in the office. So I really only see her about once a week if that. But….. I still do have to communicate with her several times a day every day either by phone or by text for work.
I was beside myself with shock. I was just dumped by my girlfriend, even though I thought things were going great. My initial instinct was to start promising change and control the situation. Although I hadn’t gone overboard by begging or texting repeatedly, I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do to get her back. I scoured the internet and after reading countless articles and websites, I came across Lee’s site and read a few articles. His advice and take on the getting your GF back seemed to make a lot of sense and I felt like I needed some objective help so that I don’t blow any chance that I may get. I’m so glad I booked that call with Lee! After a few sessions and by following Lee’s plan, she finally contacted me and wanted to meet. Lee’s advice on how to handle both NC, as well as how to interact with her in those first few meet ups was invaluable! I am happy to say we are back together and it’s never been better. The things I learned about female attraction from Lee I will continue to use in relationships to keep the spark alive and attraction high. The hard part was to trust the process, but Lee’s clear and genuine demeanor made it easier to do what I know needed to be done to get her back. I would highly recommend Lee’s services if you would like to get your ex back or simply improve the dynamic in your current relationship! -Marc

Getting dumped sucks and when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want you anymore it just tears you apart from the inside out. I feel for you but don’t worry because we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex boyfriend gave you for why he chose to break up is really why he decided to let you go. This may sound a bit mean, but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.
To be honest I don't think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn't the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don't want to push him away? Or Don't want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that's ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. :) I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.
Determine why the relationship is in trouble. All relationships go through rough patches at one point or another. As the novelty of your first few months together wears off, problems and stress start to pile up and things you once found cute begin to annoy you to no end. While there are always small issues in a relationship, some issues can cause problems when they linger under the surface for too long:
Hi Adirubbo, this is actually a really common frustration for women in the dating scene (a guy giving you his number and acting more passive rather than pursuing) and I'm working on an ebook/video training to help with this exact issue. But to give you a quick answer now, you did great. You let him know what kind of dates you liked going on and then he became more confident in how to please you, that's when he started taking charge. The more confident a man feels that he can make you happy, the more take charge he'll become. The trick for a woman is always: "How can I be pro-actively receptive in this dynamic?" Keep looking for those opportunities and you'll be fine. And if you want to learn more about this, make sure you're signed up for email updates. Hope this helped!...
The longer the time has been between the breakup and point of contact, the more of a conversation you might owe him. Reach out to him to meet up to talk, and be explicit in that you want to talk to him. Show him how you’ve changed over the last year and how you have become a less reliant woman. Remind him of the stunning and self-assured you that he fell in love with in the first place.

Here;s an interesting one and maybe I am being a brat but I'm going to ask anyway. Late October I started seeing this guy. I did everything wrong one the first date, but I din't care one bit because I honestly didn't find him to be great looking. Super nice, great dresser, good body, but different than I expected. Anyway, we went out again because if a guy seems to have most of the qualities I like, if I think he's super nice and cool, I'll give it a try. We sleep together on date 2 and again, I DON'T CARE that I probably should not have. He still wants to see me though. After date four, I decide I'm just trying to like the guy so I tell him I can't see him anymore. I don't say exactly why but that something is not there.He starts to ask why and then backs off (smart) and takes it like a gentleman.That was after like 2 weeks. The next day or two all I do is tell my friends about this and it occurs to me I'm thinking about him nonstop. So I text him and BAM! Back together, dating and having the best sex I have EVER had in my life. We text a lot, he intiates, I don'tact needy at all... It's nice, it's warm, it's sexy, it's just great. THEN... his mom dies. He has to leave town but he just keeps on texting me the whole time. Before that he even invited me into his own world at a ceremony he had to attend. Up to this point he says thing like when you meet so and so and things like that. While out of town, everything is still great and he says he doesn't want to dwell on his mom.I respect that so I don't push at all. Before he gets back he he says he needs to take me to his home town (a popular vacation destination). When he gets back I meet him but his flight was delayed so it's pretty late (not normal for us to do late night stuff like that). I even said if it's too late let's reschedule. He says no so I go. The next day is fine... texting blah blah blah, but the following day he seems to be distant. I do nothing. The next day, today, I text him first. He says he had a headache the day before but it's probably stress over deciding to leave an old job for a new one and a lawsuit he's in. He then tells me about it. But.... he definitely seems more distant than when his mom died, so I'm thinking am I just being a complete brat here or is he actually losing interest. It seems really obvious to me but I have recently decided I don't make excuses for a man's behaviour any more. If they want you, no matter the circumstances, you know it. what's your take? Feel free to completely call me out, if I am just being a big baby here. At this point, I actually do really like the guy. I wish he would say something like "I'm cray about you" or something but his actions up to this point have been great so saying words may be a bit much to expect less than 2 months in anyway. Either way, I just want to know if I should completely bail at this point because I hate this feeling! 

Would if children were involved??????÷!!! EVEN AS CLOSE FRIENDS FOR A COUPLE Of YEARS!!! Four children involved…..one mine, three his. My daughter and his daughter in same school and class. Last time I heard from him waS a text messge New Years Eve….told me he was still working. The guy is 47…..it sucks for me….but my child wants to know what happened to him….and wants to play with his daughter. Not only that…his daughter and my daughter taLk in class and tell each other they want to play.

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.
It was good, but the toxic feelings from the first breakup followed us wherever we went. Mary had let go of that fun-in-the-sun, summer-fling, freewheelin’ attitude I had desperately tried and failed to bring to our last relationship. She had made new friends and learned valuable lessons since our breakup, the biggest one being that guys who try to hold on to their high school ex-girlfriends are as dumb as they are stupid.
I’m kind of having the same problem but I’ve given him like 3 months of space should I keep waiting I want to waste all my time waiting on him but I really really like him even lives in Canada and I live in FL we wanted to make it work and eventually move closer to where the other is but then after a very close father figure passed away he started distancing himself more and more we’ve known eachother for 3 almost 4 years :(
First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.
I was seeing a man for a month. I drove 1 hour and half 4 weekends in a row to spend time at his house. He could not leave his house bc of his dogs. He was texting me a lot always him..first. asking me what I was doing..bla Bla bla..calling me a couple of times a week. We never had sex...it was just kissing and touching..he complimented me how wonderful and nice I was. That he was in for the long haul with me. He liked to cooked and always cooked me nice dinners and breakfasts. Then I asked him if he was my boyfriend. He said will see next weekend??? He was fighting with his ex..I asked him how long ago they broke up and he would not answer. Then one morning...he left me alone in his house to work outside. So I packed my stuff and left. He sent me a text apologizing for not making breakfast . I told him that I was confused not knowing what was going that morning. He said you are welcome to anything in my house. I said I drove all the way to your house to spend time with you. He went quiet dead that day and night. Usually he would always answer my texts and he would sent me a text good night with a kiss that day i.got nothing. Next morning I asked him why the silent treatment..and ask him if he dead or was in hospital..was not interested no more..if he just wanted a friend with benefit..or if he was on another date? I simply ask honesty with a straight answer. He got upset and offended..he said he fell asleep. I apologized to him twice for that text. He stopped talking to me. It was excruciating because I like him. He made me feel very bad that I asked him why he ghosted me that day. I asked him if he wanted to continue seeing me or not. For 3 days he would not give me an answer. I said goodbye to him it was nice meeting you best of luck. Now I regret it so much about my text and.my goodbyes. I want to stay friend with him and have a second chance. But he wont answer. I am sad because I screwed up ...
And so I got ready while he was checking his email on the computer, pretending that I was going out and he ask if I'm going some where and I said yes. And then I tease him a bit about his hair since he havnt. After that he said I looked happy and I said I am, that stuff got shift these pass weeks. And when he came out the gate walking on the road he said it again that I looked happy and I said I am. And so since he doesn't have FB I texted him suggesting he get a fb account and add me, personally it would have been good if he saw some stuff I posted. Anyway he respond and said ''U look happy and like u trying to take care of yourself that's good. And no thanks i don't like fb. I forgot to ask does my friend mother still have that place for rent?" "I hate being by the apartment feel like a kid there. i just need a place and some time to myself to let out my rage and sadness the way i want I've been holding back since they in the house all the time " I did something stupid, so my cousin and been searching net and she found something called the Second chance letter and so I wrote one and gave him when he came to pick up some of his clothing. I wrote it just as explained, saw a sample and did it that way, In the beginning I put that I accepted the break up and then apologize that I didn't showed that I appreciated him and then the part stating that good things been happening and someday would like to tell him about it but right now we both still needing space. The next day in the morning, he texted and said he read it and doesn't mind sitting down and talking someday. Then in the night he sent a text asking me if he can ask me something and I said okay sure. "Why do u want me back? What is it about me that u love so much? and he feels like he wasn't doesn't his best as a partner as well. I respond to him that it would be best to talk in person about it when he is ready and then I g...
Hi. I have never posted anything online about relationship problems but I am confused and would really love some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for over 8 years. Those 8 years have been amazing. We have always loved spending time together and could never get enough of one another. We have never lived together but we would see each other at least 3 times a week and would always call and text each other when we were apart. But two weeks ago, I noticed that he was upset all of a sudden. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he didn’t know. So he took some time to think about it and he told me that he thinks he doesn’t feel the spark between us anymore. He said that he felt as if when we were hanging out that he was just hanging out with a best friend. So naturally I was very upset because this was a major surprise to me. I thought we were fine and doing great. After he told me, he said that he did not want to break up and that he would do anything to fix this. Before I left his house, we hastily decided to stop seeing each other as much and would go out on dates once a week. He also told me that he would always call at least once a day. The week that followed was one of the worst in my life. I felt rejected and couldn’t understand why he would feel that way. During that week even though he did call everyday, I still felt there was this major distance between us. I ended up canceling our date that week in order to reflect on our relationship. When I thought about it, I realized that we haven’t done anything romantic for one another in a long time and I believe that we took each other for granted. He seemed like he was fine when I cancelled the date, but later on he admitted that he was actually really upset but he didn’t want to show that to me. He has been better this week about communicating with me more. He has texted and called more. He even brought me dinner one day and we ate together. He has also still shown major interest in me sexually, but we both agree to wait on that until we figure some things out. Even though this week has been a little better, I still feel as if there is a major distance between us. When he sees me, he doesn’t want to kiss me because he said that he would feel like he is betraying me and he has stopped all together saying that he loves me. So I don’t know what is the best action to take in order to help mend this relationship. I was thinking of possibly seeing each other another day a week in order to reconnect and communicate about our relationship and so our dates can be for having fun. Or I don’t know if it would be beneficial to see a couples counselor. So any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
It feels like we keep on going back and forth about the past what has happened and he keeps asking me questions everytime we see each other so I decided to not coming home anymore. I’ve made my decision to move out. I’m still heartbroken about his new girlfriend and seeing him and with him asking me the past nights isnt helping. I dont know what he was thinking the last few encounters. What is he trying to get from me? Why is he asking me these questions? And why did he had an emotional breakdown the first time we actually had a conversation together? I’m still confused. Please help me. I don’t know if after moving out and doing this No Contact would help anything. I am still in love with him. I regretted my mistakes, and my childish careless act to him. I wish i had a chance to make it up to him and treated him better. Please help.
Relax and just enjoy the time you do have together. Don't obsessed about this. If he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you, find something else do that you like to do. Make plans with yourself and stick to them. Don't chase any man except the ice cream man. He might be going through some things he's not ready to share. Or, he might just be stringing you along. You don't know. But, there's no reason to worry about anything unless you know there's something to worry about. There are plenty of things you could be doing to make yourself happy and keep busy (in a good, happy, productive way) even if you are dead ass broke. Keep yourself entertained. If nothing else, if this guy isn't ready to be a grown up yet, if you are doing something you love, you will meet other people that have the same interests that you do. You might not meet prince charming, but you will meet some good friends that have the same interests that you do. And remember: you don't have to be soulmates with someone to go see a movie or have coffee. I'm about a hair away from aetheist, and I have friends all across the board. You don't have to have everything in common with a person to be friends, or be friendly or just hang out. Wish you the best of luck with your dude and everything else. Big hugs.
It’s mainly for this reason that making up with your ex through text messages can sometimes be a perfect alternative between remoteness and forwardness. In doing so, you are respecting the distance they are seeking while getting back in touch with your ex. However, it usually isn’t enough just to rely on a text to get your ex back. More often than not, you must take the initiative to reach out but also put other plans into motion as well.
i successfully completed my no contact rule.after that i sent my first text.he was so excited to respond and he was responding like crazy.i tried to end up the conversation many times bt he was keeping on texting.atlast i managed to say goodnight by saying i was sleepy.as chris told i decided to put a gap for 3 days after first text.bt the very next day of first text itself he texted me asking something.should i reply or do i have to wait for the completion of third day?
whenever I ask him what’s wrong with him it takes a while before I get just one sentence out of him, this has affected our relationship as communication is being lacked. Ik he’s a guy and doesn’t want to seem vulnerable I understand that but we had a over the text argument more like me yelling at him even though for days I have asked him if we can talk in person so we can settle this in person so no communication is being misinterpreted but all he did was bring up lil excuses not to talk to me or I’d ask him when we would be able to and he’d be like “Idk” and because of that I would overthink everything and then just hold everything in until finally I exploded. I usually hold my tounge with being sweet and patient and I was like that for about 3 days but I was done with him not talking about what is going on with him and us and it all started when I gave him the impression that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We were in the car and I was jumbling all my feelings and not even knowing what I was saying, I said to him that I wanted some space to get myself together so that I could love myself more for this relationship. And I think all he got from me talking was that I wanted space and that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him because that’s usually something somebody would say if they wanted to end it slowly without saying “I wanna break up with you”. I shouldn’t of worded it like that but keep in mind I was PMSing to the max and I even told him that was why I freaked out on him and to try to understand not to take anything I say personal or even seriously.

Until recently , I contact him again hoping to win him back another time(for godsake I dunno why after all the scolding from him to me and disrespecting me).Thinking I have grow to be more confident.Sadly, I made the mistake again falling in the booty call. I regret so much. What should I do? I keep choosing him over and over again. Although he said he dont want my love .Yet I keep going back to him.
Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is girl8eliza@hotmail.com

Often we women come across much more crutical than we realize. We are so socialized to being critiqued we just take it and deal. Men cant. They cant absorb it, it just sits on them and weighs them down. Always phrase any critiques positively? Sandwich it between two affirmations of good things he does or positive qualities. State you understand him. A man will “man up” when he knows his woman believes him to be a good man.

Hi. I dated this guy last year , but unfortunately it didn’t work out between us cause I was unreachable and shy. We pretty much texted the whole time and met a few times. I fell for him and he said he had feelings for me too . But all of a sudden he wanted to be just friends. We had 5 months long an emotional relationship/friendship and 5 months a non-emotional one. I kinda acted out there. He started giving me less atttetion day after day and we started fighting every now and then and I got super jealous when he talked about this other girl he liked. Eventually he called the friendship off. I asked him to block my number and social accounts so we wouldn’t have contact . It’s been 4 months now and I miss him everyday. I’m madly in love with him . Haven’t heard of him for 4 months and I want him back. I can’t get over him being gone from my life. Please help. What should I do ? Why am I feeling this way.
I found this article one of the best in a very long search I had been doing. Hope it will be helpful for me to help repair my relation with someone whom I extremely care about but made her angry with a useless conversation. I never intended to hurt her but I did. I am hurt too but cant let her remain angry. This post might get helpful in getting me rid of this state.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
If your ex has fallen into the friend zone (for example, if he or she says "I'm no longer in love with you"), you might be able to recreate the experience of falling in love by building intimacy with your ex. In one study, a researcher had two strangers stare into each other's eyes and then answer personal questions (like "What is your biggest fear?" and "What is your best memory from childhood?"). They were able to create an intimate bond between the strangers, creating attraction and even the feelings of love. Try spending time looking into your ex's eyes and asking deep questions and see if this helps move your relationship back into intimate territory.[12]
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.

Work on your self-esteem. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.


I was just so hurt and broken hearted, felt empty.. it’s such an un bearable pain I’m going through. When I went home obviously I texted him saying don’t hate me I still love you I just wanted to do a nice thing he said he didn’t hate me and then I texted him something saying I made things harder for myself and then he didn’t reply. I then texted him again a while later and said can I ring you it’s important. I rang him and said I think you need to give it some more thought if I did mean something to me and he got annoyed and said you need to accept it, stop texting and ringing me. So that was the end of that it’s been a few hours since I’ve spoken to him. I can’t stop thinking of him, the thoughts of him going off with another girl so soon is killing me so much.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now. He completely swept me off my feet in the beginning (it was like a love bomb). He started changing a couple months after that -- we never really "dated" -- it just went from a couple dates where he would take me out and drop me off at my apartment and go back to his. Then, a few weeks later he was practically living in my apartment full time. He blames me for everything wrong in the relationship -- shuts down emotionally now and we just had another blowout and he says to me he needs a week of space. I think he was just using me for convenience because my apartment was closer to his for work. I am so confused. He is not texting much anymore, not interested in my goals and things we used to share and that bonded us in the beginning. It just feels so empty and I can't talk to him because he automatically says that I focus on him too much and I analyze the relationship too much. He calls me crazy and negative, among other things. He basically just comes over and sleeps. No connection, no emotion. I don't know what to do anymore. I think it's time to let him go -- I also think he has narcissistic traits as i've been trying to read and educate myself. Could you offer any advice? Thank you.
Relax and just enjoy the time you do have together. Don't obsessed about this. If he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you, find something else do that you like to do. Make plans with yourself and stick to them. Don't chase any man except the ice cream man. He might be going through some things he's not ready to share. Or, he might just be stringing you along. You don't know. But, there's no reason to worry about anything unless you know there's something to worry about. There are plenty of things you could be doing to make yourself happy and keep busy (in a good, happy, productive way) even if you are dead ass broke. Keep yourself entertained. If nothing else, if this guy isn't ready to be a grown up yet, if you are doing something you love, you will meet other people that have the same interests that you do. You might not meet prince charming, but you will meet some good friends that have the same interests that you do. And remember: you don't have to be soulmates with someone to go see a movie or have coffee. I'm about a hair away from aetheist, and I have friends all across the board. You don't have to have everything in common with a person to be friends, or be friendly or just hang out. Wish you the best of luck with your dude and everything else. Big hugs.
In this type of situation usually, the man will go back to the wife especially if there are kids involved because it is easier financially. As you know these relationships are not healthy and you do not deserve to be the other woman. You have more to offer than just being that. Even though he showered you with love and affection that is not enough. I believe what you should do moving forward is take a break and focus on you and see if he makes a move to file for divorce and be with you. Please feel free to reach out to me for a private session if you would like some guidance. I am here for you! :)
This is one of the main differences between men and women when it comes to relationships. Men are more in the moment and are able to comfortably enjoy a situation for what it is as it is. Women are always looking for ways to improve the relationship and push it forward. It’s not that one gender has it right and the other has it wrong. There needs to be a balance between enjoying the present and comfortably laying the foundation for a future. It just can’t be done forcefully.

Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.
Sometimes, no matter what you do, he might have just moved on. Which is okay. Be prepared to face this reality. We can’t control the hearts of others, but you should feel proud knowing that you put yours on the line and took a leap of faith. If he has moved on, respect his space. As long as you respect his space, you never know what the future will hold.

Act on your issues immediately. It is not enough to simply talk about your issues together. You need to do something to address them. Once you’ve figured out what is wrong between you, each one of you should come up with at least 2 things that you are going to do to address the issues. Tell your partner your solutions and ask them to hold you accountable– the only way to mend a broken relationship is to commit to healing it.

I’ve been “hanging out” with this guy off and on for two years. Before meeting him I read books on this exact subject. I’ve been married and divorced twice so I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing if I got involved with a man again. I’m very opened about my feels I always have been. I like that about myself but in the past I’ve also been pushy wanting things to happen right away. Now with this guy I’m “hanging out” with has pulled away a lot in the 2 yrs I’ve been seeing him, but he had always come back. I think it’s because I always gave him his space. Since being married and divorced twice taking things slow was fine with me. Just recently though, I couldn’t help myself and I told him that I loved him. I thought for sure he was going to pull away, but he didn’t not right away anyways. In fact, we talked about making it exclusive. I was so happy because it’s what I had been waiting patiently for two years for. Recently, we had a two year anniversary of when we met so being the person I am I gave him a card. I said a paragraph of very heartfelt things. I knew this would definitely make him pull away from me and I was right. Even though I know when it’s going to happen it still doesn’t make it easy to deal with. I love him and I want him to know this. I want him to know that I accept him for who he is. I feel the only way I’m going to get him to trust me is by letting him have his time away from me. When he comes back he’s different, for instance, he more loving sweeter. I believe him when he says he’s happy with me. He too has been in difficult relationships in the past that broke his heart. Love isn’t meant to go fast. Love takes time. I’m glad it’s going this way even though it’s hard because I came from abusive background and it’s why my marriages ended. This guy inspires me to grow and find myself. I’ve started back to school at 43 yrs old because of his encouragement. I don’t feel I have to be someone I’m not when I’m with him. I feel safe when I’m with him. I want him to feel the same when he’s with me. I feel that’s what true love is all about. I may love him but he’s not my whole world, he’s only part of it.


Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »

I have found that it is when I had children with my husband that he started to become extremely responsive and didn’t pull away as much – not directly as a result of loving me more, but because his masculine brain perceives that we need to communicate very often, for the purpose of responding to our kids, working out logistics, proper organisation between us, and doing the right thing by me and our kids.

The biggest rule of all when it comes to texting your ex, or getting back together with an ex, is to first have a period of no contact, usually a minimum of four weeks. This means you don’t text or call or G-chat or communicate in any way, shape, or form. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday or he just got a promotion at work and you “innocently” want to congratulate him. No contact means no contact. You can read more about it and why it works here and here.

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.
If you and your ex recently broke up but you really want to maintain a platonic friendship, sending a text to “check in” without asking for anything —i.e., pressuring them to meet up, telling them you “need” to talk, etc — is a solid way to let them know. Sending messages that don’t require a response allows your ex to decide if or when they will respond. By giving them the power to continue or ignore the dialogue, you’re basically saying “I’m here if you need me.”
Most of us are generally able to pull off being adult at work, or when we're in a good mood. Trouble happens when we're at home, when the mood is sour. It's then that we're apt to slip into feeling like a 10-year-old and get all sulky or angry or powerless. As soon as you realize you're slipping into that 10-year-old feeling (and you know when you are), it's time to remind yourself that you, regardless of how you feel right now, are a grown up, and map out in your mind what a responsible adult may do. Sure, there’s an element of “faking it till you make it,” but by doing your best to adhere to an adult stance you can gradually train yourself to feel empowered rather than frightened or small. It's a matter of catching and changing it; with practice, the catch and change will become easier, more automatic.
Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.
The biggest rule of all when it comes to texting your ex, or getting back together with an ex, is to first have a period of no contact, usually a minimum of four weeks. This means you don’t text or call or G-chat or communicate in any way, shape, or form. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday or he just got a promotion at work and you “innocently” want to congratulate him. No contact means no contact. You can read more about it and why it works here and here.
4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger – ask yourself how it may be a bad solution to some other problem. You want to be curious about the driving impulse. You don’t have to have the answer but you need to raise the question: "Help me understand why you leave your socks on the floor." "We haven’t made love in a long time – how come?" And because anger is often driven by worry and fear, ask “What are you worried about?” rather than “Why are you so pissed off?” What is important that you sound calm when you ask the questions – like Mr. Rogers. If you sound angry or irritated, expect shutdown or anger in return. 
Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.
However, the mere desire to get back with them won’t be enough. You must use impactful methods and tools to be successful at reconciliation. Coming up with what to text your ex back is just one way to do it or one aspect of many techniques that can be available to you. There are other tools that are equally effective and which can complement methods that you may already be using.

Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing: Infographic The Real Reasons Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close Exactly How To Get a Guy Back That Pushed You Away (Do This Right Now) Exactly Why Men Pull Away And Then Come Back (And What To Do When He Does) How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back
What I am going to share with you now is the most common reasons being men’s disappearing acts! As you read through this article, it’s essential that you understand that men are natural born hunters who enjoy the chase. If he is interested in having you as his girlfriend, he will show you this with his actions. Be careful to never settle for a man that isn’t giving you 100% with his actions but is saying everything with his words. This is where a lot of women run into trouble in their search for a good man. Pay attention to his actions more than his words.
 7. Think small, think success. The hug is actually a good place to start. Because change creates anxiety, both change and anxiety are best tolerated in smaller doses. Because the goal is to break patterns, to do it different rather than doing it right, you don’t need to think make-over or major campaign. Instead, you simply want to step outside your comfort zone and take concrete steps, however small, that you can successfully do. So try the hug, and if that seems too tough, start with ramping up compliments or writing a note letting the other know how you have been feeling just to get things rolling. 
Now, before I get started with what to text your ex, I’m going to first teach you what NOT to do, so you know, right off the bat, what you absolutely SHOULD NOT do if you want to get your ex back through texting. And let me tell you, after coaching people for 10 years, I can say that the vast majority of people DO commit these huge texting errors… and theses mistakes can sometimes decimate any chance of rekindling a relationship with an ex.

Oddly enough, many of my clients were successful in re-establishing contact with their ex boyfriends by simply not even trying.  They didn’t do anything except move forward with their lives, focusing on bettering themselves personally and professionally.  In a way, it is a form of what I call Passive No Contact or Passive Radio Silence.  It works for some people.  They figure that if their boyfriend dropped them, then so be it and instead of becoming dependent and addicted to their ex boyfriend, they choose to embrace other things in their life, doing those things they want to do and accomplish. Then as they focus on those things and have success, often times their ex boyfriends show up realizing they made a huge mistake letting their girlfriend go.
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
However, the mere desire to get back with them won’t be enough. You must use impactful methods and tools to be successful at reconciliation. Coming up with what to text your ex back is just one way to do it or one aspect of many techniques that can be available to you. There are other tools that are equally effective and which can complement methods that you may already be using.
If a man is honest and tells you he does not want a relationship, then as a woman you should honor his truth in telling you this and take a moment to reflect and understand that you may need to pull away. Not to mention, if he also gives you the popular one-liner by saying, “I’m just seeing where things go,” proceed with caution. This is not a committed answer, so why would he want to commit to you? This is just an answer to lure you away from the truth in hopes to keep you around for what he is in search of pleasure and attention.
So he moved out of my flat but he left the majority of his stuff here at my apartment. I went on a trip and I asked him to take his stuff from my place for good, he had 7 days for that. When I arrived home, nothing happened, his stuff were still here. During my holiday I didn’t contact him, when he messaged me, I didn’t respond him. When I was traveling home he messaged me like “we need to talk.” I didn’t know what could happened, so I replied with a simple “about what?” when he told me he didn’t have the emotional strength to take his stuff and he also was worried about me that if something terrible happened to me or what? So I replied to his messages focusing on the context like “I’m gonna pack your stuff alone” and then he asked me if I need help with it, I answered him with a simple “no”. So did I violated the “no contact rule” here? Can we consider all this as “emergency”? and also do you think I made “one of the biggest mistakes” by being too cold or rude? Please help me, I don’t want to drive him away, I don’t know what to do. :(
So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
Español: arreglar una relación rota, Русский: наладить отношения, Português: Reparar os Danos Causados ao Seu Relacionamento, Italiano: Ricucire un Rapporto Interrotto, Deutsch: Eine kaputte Beziehung retten, Français: sauver une relation détériorée, Bahasa Indonesia: Memperbaiki Hubungan yang Rusak, Tiếng Việt: Hàn gắn mối quan hệ tan vỡ, ไทย: สานความสัมพันธ์ที่แตกร้าว, Nederlands: Een beschadigde relatie herstellen, 中文: 让问题感情重获新生, العربية: إصلاح علاقتك العاطفية أو زواجك المضطرب

Hi Lauren... Please please help me My ex broke up with me three weeks ago. After the break up I begged him for two days. Then I did no contact for a week and tried to reconcile which lead to me begging again for two days when he said no. So now I have done a no contact for two weeks . He hasn't been in touch with me since. I am worried he may never get in touch again. It is a long distance relationship and difficult to go and see him anytime. Why did we break up? We argued about something...he ignored me for few days then when we spoke I basically shouted at him for ignoring me we then got into a massive row and said things back and forth which resulted in him saying 'I can't do this anymore it's over,' Lauren, we had broken up before and it took us six months to get back together because in that six months we were both going back and forth, when he was ignoring me I wasn't and when I was ignoring him he wasn't, we went back and forth like this for a while until eventually we both just kissed and made up and it was all good for a month until the next row. I feel that when we are together we never argue but when we talk on the phone we argue. I explained this to him, but he doesn't seem to listen or care about how good we are and does not wanna work on this relationship anymore. Please advise what I can do.... ...
Renee’s, we’ve had no interaction since he responded to confirm he’s dealing with some things and would explain when he could and apologized for pulling away. That was two months ago. It’s been total silence since then.I reached out to give him encouragement and let him know I’m still here for him and loved him and am very proud of the man he is. I asked if he needed more time, no reply yet. That was a week ago. Up until this stage, he’s been a truly reliable, mature, stand up guy. He’s been broken from previous relationships but with… Read more » 
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