I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend. My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so ..
4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger – ask yourself how it may be a bad solution to some other problem. You want to be curious about the driving impulse. You don’t have to have the answer but you need to raise the question: "Help me understand why you leave your socks on the floor." "We haven’t made love in a long time – how come?" And because anger is often driven by worry and fear, ask “What are you worried about?” rather than “Why are you so pissed off?” What is important that you sound calm when you ask the questions – like Mr. Rogers. If you sound angry or irritated, expect shutdown or anger in return.
Forgive each other. This can be the hardest part of mending a relationship, but also the most crucial. Forgiveness releases pent up anger, pain, and emotions so that they don’t come back later in life, sabotaging all the progress you’ve made. Remember that no one is perfect, and without forgiveness, there wouldn't be a single working relationship on the planet.
my bf left me for another girl.he keeps telling me that i am nothing to him.he wants to b with the other girl.he has no feeling for me anymore.this has started more than one year ago.by this time he also speak to me but not on his own mood or to rebuild our relationship.he does so becz i request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only 2 or 3 days per a week…but I can’t stay without him I want him back.plzz help me…if this is possible for me to get him back as my bf again??
Hi Lauren, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I'm not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he's afraid of commitment and that I can't make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I'm perfect and don't need to change at all. Gave me the "it's not you, it's me" thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I'm not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn't anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I'm still his best friend. I can't be friends with him, I'm still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can't tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? ...
I love one guy spent almost a year everyday from morning to evening with him always then suddenly i came back to my home town after wrapping my old life… But with lots of love of that guy, he is different he never thought what a women wants actaully so that women can be of one guy only still i love him more then my life and he loves me too although things are not working out still we are attached n live each day for each other
Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.
He said he still loved me, that his feeling hasn’t changed a bit, that there was absolutely no one else, but that he needed time for himself, because he was feeling like he spent most of the time worrying about me, feeling like he had to guide me or something (i do not agree to that, because i honestly never asked him to guide me or to leave any of his activities for me)… And that he was way too tired of all the fights, he couldn’t handle it anymore, so thats why he exploded and realized he needed time for himself, to fix his own issues, achieve his goals and that he would seek for help on a psychologist because he felt lost, and that he needed someone to tell him what to do right now and that he didn’t know if this break up was going to be permanent or if it was going to be temporary. He also told me that i should focus on college right now, and use this ¨free¨ time to do that, but that he didn’t mean that i should stop thinking about him or he would stop thinking about me, because i was always on his mind
My ex and I have been together for 4 years(live together since year 2 and still living together), long story short he broke up with me the beginning of October. During that month I didn’t come home but slept at my moms place. He called me sometime the middle of October and asked how I was doing. And told me how he wasn’t feeling good so I said this was what he wanted and he said he thought that was what he wanted. At the time i didn’t know about the No Contact so I made a mistake for picking his call. We would text back and forth and it seemed like everythingwas back to normal. Around November I stopped by our place and he was there..we hooked up 3 times and that was when he decided to stopped sleeping there. He would stayed at his parents or friends place, and that’s when we rarely seen each other or texting. Throughout the months he’d stopped by our place sometimes to get his stuff or shower then left. Sometimes he’d fold the blanket and fixed the bed when I didn’t have time to do that morning. It wasn’t till 2 weeks ago that night he suddenly came back. I was sleeping and heard the door opened. We talked he asked about my day work like how he normally does and I asked about his. Then he started saying “you can tell that i stopped by sometimes right(ie. fold the blankets)?” Also said coming back looking at this place made him feel sad that was why he doesn’t want to stay there long. I don’t remember specifically how it happened but we started talking about the past and he had an emotional breakdown and teared up. Saying how bad I mistreated him when he was there for me, supporting me and helping me financially(I told him about my debt) and physically because when we were together I didn’t have to pay for anything. He paid for rent, food and when we go out too. My needs and happiness goes first before his. But I wasn’t there for him leaving him at home alone most of the time when I was at my moms.” I know I was wrong and I apologized to him and hugged him. He said not to worry about him and to let him stay and think(I didn’t asked what he meant by that). The next night we talked more. At night I pretended to be deep asleep and touched his hair and put my hand on his chest. I guess that action made him feeling uncomfortable and didnt come home the following night. Weekend we do our own things and didnt see each other until the following weekday. He told me about having a talked with one of his bestfriends on sunday and that his friend suggested him seeking counseling. He told me about his struggles at work too. I dont know what got into me but at night i wanted to cuddle with him like how we used to but he pulled away saying he can’t at this time, that was when I thought about moving out. We didnt see each other the rest of that week. I texted him on friday saying I found a place and will be checking it out sunday afternoon. It was then around sunday evening when I got a text from a friend saying she ran into my ex at a tofu place with a girl, that was when I know why he been acting the way he did. I didnt asked him until monday night when we see each other again at our place. He told me that he just got back from his parents place. It seemed like they had an argument. He always wanted to move into a bigger place an apartment (even when we were together but i couldn’t help him cus of my financial) and seemed like none of his siblings can move in with him. He told his mom if only she didn’t kicked him out that year and that he has to find a place none of this would’ve happened he wouldn’t be in this situation and that hes not in debt(I guess eventho his salary wasn’t enuf for us he found other ways to do it). He was willing to pay rent but she still wanted him to move. He reminded her about her asking me to help him find a place. That was when we decided to moved in together and thats when he asked my moms permission for us to move in together when originally he was supposed to live by himself. He told her about the diamond ring that he helped me pay(my mom wanted to get me a diamond ring to have as a gift from her and he helped out by paying $700, after we broke up I wanted to give him back his money so I sold the diamond back but he didn’t take it.) but he didnt take back the money and she called him stupid for not taking the money. He said he thought that was the right thing to do at the time and he did it because of love. Long story short he got mad and left and started screaming in his car(that was what i was told). Then I started asking him about the girl. He admitted it. He said they been dating since March and shes kinda young. He said sometimes when he did something and her respond wasnt what he thought. When they started texting and the things they do or places they go reminded him of me and he doesn’t know if what he was doing was right. He asked me if I’ve been seeing anyone. I told him the truth that I had and that was last March also and we dated for a month, but it didnt work out because I was like him doing things reminded me of him so I ended it. I told him about me seeking relationship coaching and how the coach said our relationship was lack of communication and he agreed. He said I rarely communicate with him or tell him my feelings and thoughts and waited until it builds up and take it on him, and we started talking about the past. I ended the conversation early and wanted to sleep but truth is I was hurt inside knowing he is with someone. The next morning when I was getting ready for work he was awake and wishing me to drive safely(this I havent heard in a long time after we brokeup). The next night I was in bed and he came home. He asked how my day was. Then he asked if I was hurt about the news. I said no. He said he can feel it because he knows how I am even when we were together he didn’t talk to his friends that are girls because he knew I don’t like it and that hurting me was the last thing he wanted to do. That was the reason why he didn’t want to tell me. He asked me about the guy I told him about last night and asked if I’m seeing anybody else. I said no. Just hanging out with friends. He also asked if the reason I reached to relationship coaching was because after I found out about the girl, I told him no it was before. Then we ended up talking about the past…AGAIN. How he got his ways just to make me happy and taking care of me, supporting me. He knows I’ve done a lot for him in the beginning of our relationship that was why he always wanted to do more for me later on in our relationship when he got a good job. Loving and caring for me. Doing all the things for me and buying me expensive things. Supporting me financially so that I can only concentrate on paying my bills, he been doing everything for 2 years but I haven’t shown any signs of improvement. He sometimes sees me buying stuff. And I sometimes got mad at him for spending time with his family or siblings. He said that was part of the reason why he was never at his parents place for too long and that he’d be home early waiting for me. The last fight we had was because of him coming home late from having dinner with his brother. I got mad and wrote him long text, saying if hanging out with his sibling and pokemon go is more important to him then we shouldn’t be together(he recalled the incident). That was when he snapped and broke up with me. He asked how could I say that? I know i was wrong. My temper has got into me and saying things that I shouldn’t have. He also said if only I had concentrated more into our relationship than his family then it would’ve been better, but I wasn’t at the time when we were together. I hold grudges against his family and stopped visiting them eventhough he once told me he’s family oriented.
I JUST went thru this with my boyfriend of almost a year. He got VERY distant for 2 weeks and when I pushed him to find out what was up, he said he was 50/50 about our relationship and needed time to think. So I gave it to him and NEVER reached out again. I didnt even sign into social media, I wanted him to have no idea what I was up to. After 2 weeks of no contact, he texted me today pouring his heart out about how he messed up and all he thought about was me, etc etc. Everything I’ve only ever dreamed of him saying and he NEVER says his feelings towards me, but has always shown them in affection. We are meeting tonight after he begged to see me to talk. I still can’t believe he admitted he was scared that he messed things up and realized he was throwing away a good thing. We still have a lot to work out, but I think this is a great start. Hang in there everyone who is going thru the same thing!
My so called boyfriend lived away from his home for 15 years. Since September he decided to come back home and create a new life here, which i get it’s not easy at all. Meanwhile we met 1 month ago and everything was going perfect we met every day and talked all the time when we weren’t together he even told me that I was helping him not to give up and get back where he used to live.
Now, a lot of men will not be in a relationship if they don’t feel secure within themselves. This is especially true if the woman is someone beautiful and independent. For example, a man may pull away if he is not financially secure at the moment. This is something that may help him feel superior, confident, and not wonder if he is good enough for you. Also, he may have certain health issues that he is not comfortable telling you about until he figures things out on his own. Another reason could be instability and or unhappiness related to his job. This can be an additional source of stress and men tend to feel as though they need to feel confident or protected with their primary sources of freedom: Money, Health, and Work.
This man is clearly into you, romantically, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. He’s making that clear with his words and actions. He is making an effort to connect, to spend time with you, and is public with his interest and affection. I think you are getting in your own way. It sounds like you need to re-evaluate your expectations of what love/attraction/romance should look like . You say: