As a couples therapist, I can strongly state that at days end, if your spouse/partner returns to you then you need not worry. I have met many couples who have stayed together for well over 20 years. Me and my husband Neil have made 35 years together. My husband has his own set of friends and I, my own. I do not know all of his and he doesn not know all of mine, We each have our separate moments apart. The moral is to not question nor accuse. Their are certain issues spouses do not share with each other. Certain that they do. I have noticed social networking sites becoming reasons for younger couples to grow distant. Know that your spouse or partner is with you, use communication. Trust and believe that it is not a matter of worry if a certain thing was kept away. It is a matter of believing in your spouse/partner and balancing each other. You both can establish certain limits or rules for each other. It is about growing and learning together.
My first suggestion is that you would be best served if you had an ex recovery plan. Go to my home page to learn more about the tools, ebooks, podcasts, and resources available to you. Secondly, I agree..you want to build upon nice memories and every relationship is different, so if you have a positive trend of communication going, keep it going, but try to find balance in it. I call it Tide Theory in my eBook!
In short, when you see that your crush or boyfriend is pulling away, you pull away too. Do not contact him. Concentrate on your own growth, reflect on what you’ve learned from the dynamics of the relationship and move forward with your personal goals. Be clear about your expectations and your needs. If they aren’t met, then move on and see if he’ll ever come around… Because if he doesn’t, I am sure someone else will!
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.
Generally, it’s usually as simple as him needing space. Marriages can be extremely fulfilling in their unity, but at times being around one another too often can feel repetitive and can get stale. Always try to do new things and give each other space when needed. Don’t think the worst is happening just yet. Relationships, especially marriages, always have their ups and downs.
Hi Lauren- I broke up with my ex the night before he was moving out of state (not cool, I know). I needed some time to figure things out and work on myself. I want to try again. I wrote him an apology for ending things the way I did 2.5 weeks ago with no response (he also did not respond to a simple email about his mail 1 month ago). Is it still a good idea to send the "I want to try again" letter? I'm at a loss what to do. Our relationship was not bad, but he was pulling away and I didn't know what to do so I ran. He seems either angry or distant or not wanting to engage and since it has been 2 months I'm not sure how much more time I should give this. I feel like we could have something wonderful given another chance (I have the tools now but I'm not sure he is ready to try). Do I call and say it? Send a letter? Send an email? Do nothing? I am in CA and he is in MO so meeting would be hard, but I would be willing to go out there for a weekend. I really want to try but I don't know what to do... If he doesn't want to try I will accept that and move on. Carrie...
It takes a lot of courage and strength for your loved one to confess about something that they feel may be bad or hurtful. When you judge your partner, you make them feel worse, and you also psychologically affect them and make them shut themselves up. And once your partner feels uncomfortable sharing their dark secrets with you, they’d prefer to hide their secrets or talk to another friend rather than tell you what they really feel. And that’s never going to help your relationship. In fact, it could be one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship.
My ex and I have been together for 4 years(live together since year 2 and still living together), long story short he broke up with me the beginning of October. During that month I didn’t come home but slept at my moms place. He called me sometime the middle of October and asked how I was doing. And told me how he wasn’t feeling good so I said this was what he wanted and he said he thought that was what he wanted. At the time i didn’t know about the No Contact so I made a mistake for picking his call. We would text back and forth and it seemed like everythingwas back to normal. Around November I stopped by our place and he was there..we hooked up 3 times and that was when he decided to stopped sleeping there. He would stayed at his parents or friends place, and that’s when we rarely seen each other or texting. Throughout the months he’d stopped by our place sometimes to get his stuff or shower then left. Sometimes he’d fold the blanket and fixed the bed when I didn’t have time to do that morning. It wasn’t till 2 weeks ago that night he suddenly came back. I was sleeping and heard the door opened. We talked he asked about my day work like how he normally does and I asked about his. Then he started saying “you can tell that i stopped by sometimes right(ie. fold the blankets)?” Also said coming back looking at this place made him feel sad that was why he doesn’t want to stay there long. I don’t remember specifically how it happened but we started talking about the past and he had an emotional breakdown and teared up. Saying how bad I mistreated him when he was there for me, supporting me and helping me financially(I told him about my debt) and physically because when we were together I didn’t have to pay for anything. He paid for rent, food and when we go out too. My needs and happiness goes first before his. But I wasn’t there for him leaving him at home alone most of the time when I was at my moms.” I know I was wrong and I apologized to him and hugged him. He said not to worry about him and to let him stay and think(I didn’t asked what he meant by that). The next night we talked more. At night I pretended to be deep asleep and touched his hair and put my hand on his chest. I guess that action made him feeling uncomfortable and didnt come home the following night. Weekend we do our own things and didnt see each other until the following weekday. He told me about having a talked with one of his bestfriends on sunday and that his friend suggested him seeking counseling. He told me about his struggles at work too. I dont know what got into me but at night i wanted to cuddle with him like how we used to but he pulled away saying he can’t at this time, that was when I thought about moving out. We didnt see each other the rest of that week. I texted him on friday saying I found a place and will be checking it out sunday afternoon. It was then around sunday evening when I got a text from a friend saying she ran into my ex at a tofu place with a girl, that was when I know why he been acting the way he did. I didnt asked him until monday night when we see each other again at our place. He told me that he just got back from his parents place. It seemed like they had an argument. He always wanted to move into a bigger place an apartment (even when we were together but i couldn’t help him cus of my financial) and seemed like none of his siblings can move in with him. He told his mom if only she didn’t kicked him out that year and that he has to find a place none of this would’ve happened he wouldn’t be in this situation and that hes not in debt(I guess eventho his salary wasn’t enuf for us he found other ways to do it). He was willing to pay rent but she still wanted him to move. He reminded her about her asking me to help him find a place. That was when we decided to moved in together and thats when he asked my moms permission for us to move in together when originally he was supposed to live by himself. He told her about the diamond ring that he helped me pay(my mom wanted to get me a diamond ring to have as a gift from her and he helped out by paying $700, after we broke up I wanted to give him back his money so I sold the diamond back but he didn’t take it.) but he didnt take back the money and she called him stupid for not taking the money. He said he thought that was the right thing to do at the time and he did it because of love. Long story short he got mad and left and started screaming in his car(that was what i was told). Then I started asking him about the girl. He admitted it. He said they been dating since March and shes kinda young. He said sometimes when he did something and her respond wasnt what he thought. When they started texting and the things they do or places they go reminded him of me and he doesn’t know if what he was doing was right. He asked me if I’ve been seeing anyone. I told him the truth that I had and that was last March also and we dated for a month, but it didnt work out because I was like him doing things reminded me of him so I ended it. I told him about me seeking relationship coaching and how the coach said our relationship was lack of communication and he agreed. He said I rarely communicate with him or tell him my feelings and thoughts and waited until it builds up and take it on him, and we started talking about the past. I ended the conversation early and wanted to sleep but truth is I was hurt inside knowing he is with someone. The next morning when I was getting ready for work he was awake and wishing me to drive safely(this I havent heard in a long time after we brokeup). The next night I was in bed and he came home. He asked how my day was. Then he asked if I was hurt about the news. I said no. He said he can feel it because he knows how I am even when we were together he didn’t talk to his friends that are girls because he knew I don’t like it and that hurting me was the last thing he wanted to do. That was the reason why he didn’t want to tell me. He asked me about the guy I told him about last night and asked if I’m seeing anybody else. I said no. Just hanging out with friends. He also asked if the reason I reached to relationship coaching was because after I found out about the girl, I told him no it was before. Then we ended up talking about the past…AGAIN. How he got his ways just to make me happy and taking care of me, supporting me. He knows I’ve done a lot for him in the beginning of our relationship that was why he always wanted to do more for me later on in our relationship when he got a good job. Loving and caring for me. Doing all the things for me and buying me expensive things. Supporting me financially so that I can only concentrate on paying my bills, he been doing everything for 2 years but I haven’t shown any signs of improvement. He sometimes sees me buying stuff. And I sometimes got mad at him for spending time with his family or siblings. He said that was part of the reason why he was never at his parents place for too long and that he’d be home early waiting for me. The last fight we had was because of him coming home late from having dinner with his brother. I got mad and wrote him long text, saying if hanging out with his sibling and pokemon go is more important to him then we shouldn’t be together(he recalled the incident). That was when he snapped and broke up with me. He asked how could I say that? I know i was wrong. My temper has got into me and saying things that I shouldn’t have. He also said if only I had concentrated more into our relationship than his family then it would’ve been better, but I wasn’t at the time when we were together. I hold grudges against his family and stopped visiting them eventhough he once told me he’s family oriented.
Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.
In fact, seeing a reconciliation as anything other than a combination of mutual growth and effort is a pretty unhealthy approach. "I would avoid the mindset of 'winning' over anyone," says Dr. Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., who teaches relationship psychology at the University of Toronto. "If your relationship is missing some key attributes, no one has won in the end."
Let him go for the time being. If he really likes you, he will come back. Meanwhile, focus on yourself — exercise, go out with your friends, see your family, have a hobby etc. It takes your mind away from this guy and also strengthens you as a person. If he doesn’t come back, you just move on and become a better version of yourself. If he comes back, then you can re-evaluate if you actually want to be with this guy. The “pull away” downtime is good for both of you.
I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.

a lack of respect on either side. If you or your ex call each other names, belittle each other's accomplishments, or say disparaging things about one another to your family or friends, then there is no respect in that relationship. These are all features of an emotionally abusive relationship.[20] Find someone who shows you the respect you deserve, and commit to treating him or her with respect as well.
Why don’t you advise sending the man a brief text that recognizes he needs space and give him the time and space he needs? The guy I’ve been seeing for almost a year got fairly emotional one night and finally made a commitment to me. I think did, anyway. Lol But the very next day he became a bit cold and distant. I’d get brief replies to my texts, but that was it. I also know he’s dealing with some personal things as well. I texted him, told him I felt he was going through a few things and needed space. He replied with a Thanks! which confirmed my thoughts. A few days later, I texted him again, told him I missed him, (shows I’m not upset) but I understood he needed space and told him to take all the time and space he needs. (Shows understanding and willingness to allow him to do his thing) I also told him that if he ever wanted to know how was feeling or how I felt about him to listen to a specific song and ended the text with some sweet words. (To reassure him and to hopefully give him an earworm to keep him thinking about me and make him miss me.) Then nothing more. No texts. No calls. Nothing. My plan is to keep busy and let him contact me.
And should even these small steps seem too overwhelming to take within the relationship, try building up your skills and confidence in easier environs. If, for example, you are trying to be more positive or more open or more assertive, road-test these behaviors with friends, strangers or coworkers where there are fewer emotional triggers to derail you. Once you get your sea legs there you can move on to the heavies like your partner or parents. 
my ex and i broke up a couple of months ago. He broke up with me because he did not want a relationship anymore and i cheated on him. We dated for almost two years..After our break up he wanted to be friends and i didn’t. i want to be more and this kept going back and forth. We did hu a couples of times and he would say i love you. He said he wanted something more but not a relationship and not exclusive. I told we can talk to be something or we don’t talk anymore so we agreed on not talking.. We were on good terms and we said i love you and stop talking for a few days. But i texted and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me and he doesn’t want to be friends anymore.. so i need advice should i just give him time and see what happens? what should i do? I still have feeling for this guy and i don’t know if he even does.
After a healthy and happy relationship for 10 months, he told me his ex wife wants to get back with him. I asked where does this leave me within this equation, he wouldn’t respond, So I asked him does he love me, he said no he does not love me and had never made empty promises nor used the word love! I broke it off and now it’s been 7 weeks without contact! I was hoping he would realise my absence and hold onto the good memories we had together. Will he contact me as I am following the no contact rule as you advise
I would suggest avoiding generic texts such as: “How are you?” “What’s going on?” This might make your ex a little apprehensive … he doesn’t know if you’re reaching out to be friendly, or if you’re about to unleash on him.  A better way to re-ignite a connection is to bring up a shared memory or experience. This steers the conversation to an actual direction and brings a more positive tone.
Throughout our courtship, I was utterly under the control of my ex-girlfriend. I let her walk all over me. She would call me at 4 A.M. and only stop calling when I answered. Being in college, I decided to drive down south where she lived to see if our relationship could work. I asked Mary to wait for me while I figured it out. She didn’t want to. Obviously.
"Although it will take some work to rebuild trust, this is your opportunity to form an even deeper bond," Dr. Bockarova says. "But that can only be if you speak up to your partner about what you like and dislike, when you feel hurt and when you feel happy, and how you'd like to be treated." She also recommends therapy to sort out any recurring issues.
Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.
Hi Chris my boyfriend ended our releationship because his mother came in between us he tried to get back together but she threatened to kick him out now he’s telling everyone it’s my fault as he paid for everything when we were together(he didn’t) I’m devestated because I love him and felt we had overcome so much and it is worth saving I’m in no contact and he’s now ignoring me anyway I don’t know what else to do and am hoping for a miracle
Hi am haleemah my boy friend broke up with me early this month he saw some messages o my phone chatting with other guts , have been neging him to please giveme a second chance but he wouldn’t listen ,I mesg he several times but he said he is no more interested but the truth is I love him and I didn’t cheat on him intentionally ,I only did it because of my ex but he didn’t believe me.pls I never your advice

My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. He said he craves for independence and he he still loves me but that’s just what’s right to do. He pushed me away whenever I try to get close or hug or lean my head against his back. I really love him and I want to get him back but we are flatmates, we live together and I don’t know how to do the no contact? And I’ve gone home for a few days and I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’ll be going back in a few days and I’ll be seeing him again. What should I tell him if he asks me where I went? I don’t want to look like a loser grieving so much for our relationship. And I really want to get him back.
I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).
Furthermore, I want to mention something else that is aligned to this. I have seen several woman date a man and then come back and say “He was so into me in the beginning, he courted me and showered me with gifts, said all the right things, and was so eager to make me his.” But then once this man gets what he wants he moves on, and his actions start to change slowly. I call this type of man “the snake.” Men like this tend to be very narcissistic but also tend to get what they want often. They have a thrill of the chase, and they see a significant reward for their ego when they have won their prize. I always tell women to be VERY careful of a man who is too forward in the beginning. Take your time, and challenge someone who may be extremely forward. So many women fall for a man like this because we are hopeless romantics and you are pretty amazing! So, when you a see a man showing you so much affection and attention it starts to get you to think, “wow he is so different!” Right? Then you play this emotional mind game in your head stating “I would be stupid if I let this go.” I am going to explain further as you read on.
I was with my ex for 1 year and 3 months. Before our one year anniversary he told me he doesn’t feel the same way about me as he did before. He just said he fell out of love with me. I begged for him to stay and he stayed with me. Our relationship seemed fine but then in January he became super distant and I had a feeling he cheated on me so I asked him and he was honest about it. We broke up for a day then we got back together and on February16th he broke up with me. Almost every time I saw him before that I made the mistake of trying to figure out why he didn’t love me and how to fix it. I kept asking him serious questions and answers to fix the problem. I thought it would magically make him love me again. After he broke up with me I begged for him to stay for about a week and I am now trying no contact. Will no contact work? Should I just give up? Is it too late? I love him do much
i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity.
honestly I did not show appreciation to my ex while we together. I missed valentines day and his birthday. when I decided to make the best of times with him it was to late. then I asked him for closure and he came talked in person. I told what if I got therapy because there is something going on that effects my relationships. he told its been three weeks and I’m over you….. I cried of course then looked at him and said I feel better. just got sick of being sad, doesn’t mean I’m over him. but its step. then I told me what was really going on and told he’s proud of me said I’m strong person and good girl. he told me to feel free to talk to him and said he wont be jerk to me. he also wants to improve. it sucks that I was to occupied with other stuff in life that i didn’t learn to understand him but oh well. that doesn’t mean has feelings for me. sadly I cant live in world that revolves around him I must create my own world and keeping living up to my goals. this relationship may have been painful but helped realize what I need. we are blind from pain because only look at the bad qualities that it brings us but we all need realize its actually beautiful because it shapes us. I’m going to embrace it this break up..
So many women come to me and say “Apollonia, he was so into me in the beginning.” This could be a sign of a man getting the thrill from the chase and simply getting bored easily. This type of man I call “the snake”. This man will call you daily, text you hourly, and talk about how beautiful you are and how happy he is to have met you. He might even go that extra mile and mention that he’s looking for a relationship. But the difference with this relationship is that he is all in, right away, and it seems to good to be true. What I mean by “all in” is that it’s hot and heavy early on, and sometimes you feel like you can’t even catch a breath. You might get excited and think oh my, he is so amazing, but let’s examine his actions. In the end, it fizzles out as quickly as it began. As we are talking about why men pull away and what to do, let’s analyze these common things:
my boyfriend of two yeRs and i are currently having some problems in our relationship. the first six months of this relationship we didnt see eachother and everybody around him doubted us. i started seeing him about once a week after that six month period. we were so happy back then. he had some self esteem issues at the time and i helped him get through all of that. in my childhood i never showed any emotion for anything really. i always bottled it up. so when i finally trusted my boyfriend i began to express i guess what was built up anger and hurt from my childood or something. basically i havent been the best girlfriemd even though he definitely deserved the best of me since he cared so much about me and always tried to comfort me. throughout this two year i guess you could say i found him at his worst and he progressively seen mine. we would fight over stupid things but when we were together everything was perfect. sometimes i would stonewall him because i didnt really know how else to deal with my emotions. recently he was talkig to some girl about our problems and i couldnt stand that. then and sunday he said hes been acting he doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt know if he really loves me anymore. he has stonwalled me for a while as well. as of sunday he wanted a no contact break and i literally barely made it through the first day. and i gave in and called him we only talked for ten minutes today is the second day and i still dont know what to do. i think our problems can fiixed but this no contact thing ends on friday or saturday and i honestly think he wants to leave me. i dont know what i will do if he leaves. i need some real relationship advice and dont rwally have anybody to go to. i would like to hear your opinion and also would like to know if you could suggest a person i could ask to be like a third party opinion for me i dont want to go to counsellig as i dont have the money for it. but is there like a relative or something i should go to that isnt going to be biased?
You begin interacting with the thoughts in your head rather than with the person in front of you. Rather than trying to learn who he is and what he’s about, you look at his behavior and the things he says as a means to measure how he feels about you… and whether you’re getting closer or further away from your goal of having a relationship with him.
It feels like we keep on going back and forth about the past what has happened and he keeps asking me questions everytime we see each other so I decided to not coming home anymore. I’ve made my decision to move out. I’m still heartbroken about his new girlfriend and seeing him and with him asking me the past nights isnt helping. I dont know what he was thinking the last few encounters. What is he trying to get from me? Why is he asking me these questions? And why did he had an emotional breakdown the first time we actually had a conversation together? I’m still confused. Please help me. I don’t know if after moving out and doing this No Contact would help anything. I am still in love with him. I regretted my mistakes, and my childish careless act to him. I wish i had a chance to make it up to him and treated him better. Please help.

Put out the fire by focusing directly on the process, the emotions and actions. We’re beginning to argue, I’m starting to feel angry. Fix the emotion – your anger – by breathing and calming yourself down, by walking away. Do your best to stay out of the weeds of content; if you don't, you'll wind up talking about Christmas '08 again, and you know where that leads. 

Take responsibility for your mistakes. Avoid making excuses, blaming your partner, or dismissing the affair as “a one-time thing.” In order to ask for forgiveness and begin moving on you need to take ownership of your infidelity. By taking a good, hard look at yourself you can eventually realize what made you decide to cheat and find ways to avoid making the same mistake.[8]
So it’s been a couple months since the last time I wrote on here. The good news is that I’m succeeding with becoming the Ungettable Girl and… well my friend Linda (who is also friends with my ex) gave my ex my phone number (he never had it before as we were just long distance friends) last month without telling me and he texted me around midnight “hey. This is *Paul”
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, we´ve been on and off for nearly three years now. We got in a serious relationship last september again BUT i´ve been having problems on letting the past between us go, i feel like me still being sad about things we did towards eachother made me hold back alot of feelings and showing feelings. This has been an issue for him much of the time we spent together, he told me multiple times that he had to see a change in that or else he can´t be with me, he didn´t felt that much love from me even if i really loved him. Each time he nearly broke up with me because he didn´t see a change, i always said that i will change and show more emotions. I really thought i would change but it was harder than i thought. He nearly broke up with me multiple times, but stayed everytime i promised change because he had such strong feelings towards me. Alot of things made me hold back feelings, my own securities, things we did in the past to eachother that was really bad and that my family don´t like him anymore because of things he did.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, we´ve been on and off for nearly three years now. We got in a serious relationship last september again BUT i´ve been having problems on letting the past between us go, i feel like me still being sad about things we did towards eachother made me hold back alot of feelings and showing feelings. This has been an issue for him much of the time we spent together, he told me multiple times that he had to see a change in that or else he can´t be with me, he didn´t felt that much love from me even if i really loved him. Each time he nearly broke up with me because he didn´t see a change, i always said that i will change and show more emotions. I really thought i would change but it was harder than i thought. He nearly broke up with me multiple times, but stayed everytime i promised change because he had such strong feelings towards me. Alot of things made me hold back feelings, my own securities, things we did in the past to eachother that was really bad and that my family don´t like him anymore because of things he did.
Three weeks ago I had birthday and he said he would celebrate with me. Last minute he cancelled due to work so I was very upset:( After that I asked him to not communicate with me because I am angry at him. We went quite for a weeks and later started being in touch but since that time he’s contact me is much less frequent and he never calls me – just text. But he still writes that he loves me so much and he misses me!! I do not understand his behavior… Please tell me what you think…
And should even these small steps seem too overwhelming to take within the relationship, try building up your skills and confidence in easier environs. If, for example, you are trying to be more positive or more open or more assertive, road-test these behaviors with friends, strangers or coworkers where there are fewer emotional triggers to derail you. Once you get your sea legs there you can move on to the heavies like your partner or parents. 
Know that relationship issues are never one person’s fault. A relationship is between two people, so never let your partner blame you for all of the issues in your relationship. Someone who passes blame and refuses to think about their own role will be very difficult, if not impossible, to get on your side. Never let someone force you to change to save a relationship – this is a sign of a controlling and unhealthy relationship.

Couples can learn to talk with each other effectively. They can work through even the thorniest problems if they have strong communication skills, and know how to make win-win decisions. Anger can derail a relationship. Emotion regulation is also key for keeping things on track. Finally support and positivity are the glue that hold you close to each other, for the long haul.


Erika, thank you for that. After a 13 year horrible marriage and another 2 year relationship, I felt broken. I am seeing a guy who has been through something similar. He has told me he has a hard time expressing feelings. Now, he is pulling a way a little. I feel depressed, as if I am not good enough. But your response, helps me to realize: Slow is good and he and I both need time. When we are together, things are fantastic. I will give it time and see what happens.
I am thinking about purchasing PRO but I don’t know if my situation applies for this site’s method. He broke it off before we have a serious relationship. We met while he was on vacation in my country, first date was trully magical, we were both so excited about it and went on a second date(also great) but then he has to go back to his country. We got a little bit intimate but didn’t have sex. After texting almost everyday and videochatting few times for a month and a half I managed to make a short trip to his country and spend 3 days on a weekend together at his place(then we got physical). We had a wonderful time together, but on the last day he told me we need to talk about something when I got back. After my return, his respnses to our interaction were not that enthusiastic as before, but he kept checking on me like he used to. When I asked him if he has time to have that talk, he was always busy, but still said he wanted to talk. After two weeks, he casually mentioned that he is planning a trip to my country later this year (but no mention of meeting up), I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him “what do you think about us”. I know it was too early so I told him that I’m not asking to define it, but want to know what he thinks. After a few days he responded, saying though he really likes me, he is happy to spend time withme, and was thinking about a serious relationship with me, he feels like he is not attracted to me enough to have a relationship, maybe because we are too different. He also said he wants to discuss it over the phone or videotalk. In response to this, I said sure to videotalk and said that I respect his feeling and not mad about his decision, but because he asked my thought and feeling, my reply was several super long texts explaining my take on the situation. My reply began with apology for dragging him in to this conversation when he is not ready and ends with thanking him for the wonderful time togerther and everything he has ever done to me, and stating that I won’t try to vanish you from my life just because our feeling are not mutual. I had no intention to change his mind with my reply (and stated it so in the texts) but it might have seem desperate because they were so long. He read them immediately, and no response for 4 days. Is he even my ex? Do I even have a chance to win him back? Should I start the no contact rule right now even before the breakup talk he wanted to have? I don’t know if your method works in my situation.
Here;s an interesting one and maybe I am being a brat but I'm going to ask anyway. Late October I started seeing this guy. I did everything wrong one the first date, but I din't care one bit because I honestly didn't find him to be great looking. Super nice, great dresser, good body, but different than I expected. Anyway, we went out again because if a guy seems to have most of the qualities I like, if I think he's super nice and cool, I'll give it a try. We sleep together on date 2 and again, I DON'T CARE that I probably should not have. He still wants to see me though. After date four, I decide I'm just trying to like the guy so I tell him I can't see him anymore. I don't say exactly why but that something is not there.He starts to ask why and then backs off (smart) and takes it like a gentleman.That was after like 2 weeks. The next day or two all I do is tell my friends about this and it occurs to me I'm thinking about him nonstop. So I text him and BAM! Back together, dating and having the best sex I have EVER had in my life. We text a lot, he intiates, I don'tact needy at all... It's nice, it's warm, it's sexy, it's just great. THEN... his mom dies. He has to leave town but he just keeps on texting me the whole time. Before that he even invited me into his own world at a ceremony he had to attend. Up to this point he says thing like when you meet so and so and things like that. While out of town, everything is still great and he says he doesn't want to dwell on his mom.I respect that so I don't push at all. Before he gets back he he says he needs to take me to his home town (a popular vacation destination). When he gets back I meet him but his flight was delayed so it's pretty late (not normal for us to do late night stuff like that). I even said if it's too late let's reschedule. He says no so I go. The next day is fine... texting blah blah blah, but the following day he seems to be distant. I do nothing. The next day, today, I text him first. He says he had a headache the day before but it's probably stress over deciding to leave an old job for a new one and a lawsuit he's in. He then tells me about it. But.... he definitely seems more distant than when his mom died, so I'm thinking am I just being a complete brat here or is he actually losing interest. It seems really obvious to me but I have recently decided I don't make excuses for a man's behaviour any more. If they want you, no matter the circumstances, you know it. what's your take? Feel free to completely call me out, if I am just being a big baby here. At this point, I actually do really like the guy. I wish he would say something like "I'm cray about you" or something but his actions up to this point have been great so saying words may be a bit much to expect less than 2 months in anyway. Either way, I just want to know if I should completely bail at this point because I hate this feeling!
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